


Don't you see that I'm trying?

by idiotwerewolf



Series: FMA One Shots [8]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, F/M, pre-promised day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:34:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27813115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idiotwerewolf/pseuds/idiotwerewolf
Summary: No one really knows how hard Edward is trying.
Relationships: Edward Elric/Winry Rockbell
Series: FMA One Shots [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024006
Kudos: 26





	Don't you see that I'm trying?

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as a sprint with a couple of friends! Enjoy! :)

Edward lowered himself onto a chair, his automail arm flopping uselessly against the kitchen table. The table that he, Winry, and Alphonse had spent many hours at as children doing homework, eating dinner, doing crafts. It bore scratches and dents to testify for every moment that had taken place. All the good times, the fights, the time Pinkao got so angry at him that she dented the table with the bottom of her pipe. His fingers traced a long scratch in the table as he listened to Winry huff and mutter under her breath as she prepared her tools. He remembered how that scratch came to be- it was years ago, but he remembered it like it was yesterday. 

_He’d just gotten his automail fitted. He, Winry, and Granny were at the table; Alphonse was sitting in the corner with Den. He and Granny were arguing, they had been for a while. She didn’t want him to join the military; he thought she was being unreasonable._ If he could turn back time and listen to her… _He got so heated that he banged his newly fashioned fist to the wood to emphasize his point, but he hit too hard, leaving a rough, vaguely fist-shaped gouge in the table._

“Honestly, Edward,” Winry huffed, dragging him back to the present, “can you at least _try_ to take care of yourself?”

He stayed silent, eyes down and shoulders stiff. He really didn’t want to get into this right now. 

“It’s bad enough that you keep ruining my work! Do you know how hard I work on this, Ed?” she continued, “You can’t keep doing stuff like this! You’re going to get yourself killed!”

A bitter laugh left Ed’s mouth; he was too tired to hold it in, to care. His fingers curled into a loose fist, nails catching on the rough wood as he anticipated Winry’s reaction.

“I’m serious, Edward!” she exclaimed, setting her wrench down on the table harder than usual, “You need to stop risking your life! You have too many people counting on you, and it’s like you don’t even care- that you’re not even _trying_ to stay alive!” 

Ed took in a sharp breath, Winry struck a nerve, and they both knew it. His fist clenched tighter, shaking slightly from the pain of his nails digging into his palm. He shook his head and stood from the table.

“Ed- I… I didn’t-”

He shook his head again and limped over to the door, bracing himself with one hand on the frame. He turned his head to look at her with sad- defeated eyes. Underneath that, there was a lingering anger Winry wouldn’t see. He wouldn’t let her. 

“Don’t… don’t you see that I am trying, Winry?” he asked, his voice seconds from breaking, “I wake up every morning to a brother who can’t sleep- can’t feel- a brother that’s always cold and alone and in danger because of me. I wake up every day reminded of the sin I committed, my biggest failure… I wake up every morning knowing how dumb and naive I was- how much trouble I’ve caused everyone… How many times I’ve fallen, let people down…” He looked away from her and cleared his throat.

“Don’t you _dare_ say that I’m not trying, because if I wasn’t… I wouldn’t be standing here right now. We wouldn’t be having this conversation. I’d be dead. Buried beside my mother or at the bottom of a mineshaft. I’m… I’m trying as hard as I can. Why can’t you see that?” 

He pressed his head into the door and closed his eyes, clenched fist slowly unfurling and pressing into the wood. He heard Winry take a shuddering breath but forced himself not to turn around. He made her cry again. He was always making her cry… 

Without thinking it through, he pushed the front door open and walked outside, ignoring Winry’s protests and pleas to come back inside. He ignored her running footsteps through the house, across the deck, and down the stairs. 

_Ignore it. Ignore it. Ignore it. Don’t turn back. Keep walking. Use your legs. You’ve got two of them, don’t you? You hurt her again- made her cry, just like you promised you wouldn’t, and you’re going to keep doing that if you stay here._

“I’m sorry, Winry…” he mumbled even though she couldn’t hear him, “I’ll be back when I’m better. When I don’t have to try anymore.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Please check out the link below if you're interested in finding out how to support me!
> 
> https://idiotwerewolf.tumblr.com/post/644405793836367872/hi-all-im-broke-as-hell-and-unable-to-work-due


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